Hand Me Down Blues

by Ann Douglas

A relative of mine is always stopping by my house with bags full of clothes, toys and other odds and ends she picks up at garage sales and second-hand stores for our two young boys. I know that she’s trying to be helpful, but her thoughtfulness is really starting to get under my skin. The kids’ toy cupboards and dresser drawers are already spilling over, but every week we’re presented more huge bags of stuff we don’t have room for, and end up having to give it all to someone else. I’ve tried dropping hints (“You really shouldn’t have,” or “Thanks, but I really don’t think we have the room”) but she’s just not getting it, and the bags keep on coming. How do I end this madness without hurting her feelings?

You know your relative best and what approach is likely to work best with her, so I'm going to offer a couple of different suggestions. Hopefully one of these approaches will work for you or will inspire you to come up with your own solution for handling this well-meaning and highly enthusiastic family member.

• Take the practical approach. Show her how well stocked your toy shelves are and note that there's simply no more room for anything more until the boys outgrow some of these toys.
• Share your concerns as a parent. Tell her that you want the boys to look forward to her visits because she's a much-loved member of the family – not because she's always loaded down with goodies when she arrives.
• Help her to connect with charities that would benefit from her generosity. Maybe you know of a local emergency shelter that would love to have their own "Aunt Jennie" shopping for them. If so, you could find out if your relative would be interested in learning more about the shelter and the types of items it needs on an ongoing basis, in case she comes across such items while making her garage sale and second-hand store rounds.
• Consider her your fairy godmother. Accept your relative's gifts for what they are – an act of love and kindness – and then find a way to pass that gift along to others: by having garage sales of your own and donating the proceeds to charity or passing any toys or clothing your family can't use to other families and charities that would be grateful to receive them. Your boys are fortunate to have such a fabulous role model in their lives – someone who walks the talk of giving to others. That's the real gift she's giving your family.

This article originally appeared in What's Up? Canada's Family Magazine.